life... now what?

2001-05-31T17:18:00.000-07:00

Did I mention the horrible, sinking feelings of disappointment and rejection that occur when the box is empty?

2001-05-31T17:14:00.000-07:00

How technology has changed the life of the clinically insane:

I'm one of those people who will check my mailbox at home 7 or 8 times a day to see if its contents have changed. Even on Sundays and Holidays, when I know the postal workers are off doing something other than being disgruntled, I can't walk past that little gold box without stopping to see if maybe there's something inside. Who knows, maybe a secret admirer has dropped something in for me. Or maybe there's a special letter for me that was so important that the Postmaster declared that it must be delivered regardless of how many presidents were born in February.

I've realized recently, that my obsessive mailbox behaviour has decreased. It's not gone away, though. It's just found a different target. Email. On any given work day, I check my personal email no fewer than 50 times. I'll even continue clicking the "check mail" button several times in a row, just in case something came through right as I was checking it and therefore didn't get found. I work for a little while, then realize several minutes have passed, and I click that "Check Mail" button again. Always with the hope that something new and special will appear, telling me that I'm loved, that I'm important, or that I might be interested in buying toner supplies. Gods forbid I should let any time lapse between receiving a message and reading it. In fact... I have to go check my mail now.

2001-05-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

Does anyone other than Michael and Richard read this? Do Michael and Richard even read this? That then poses the question, am I writing this for myself or for other people? If I'm writing it for myself, why then is it a public blog? If I'm writing for others, what's the point since no one reads it anyway?

2001-05-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have to wonder what my friends from the office would say if they knew all that I was posting here.

2001-05-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

Why I Like My Job: More Email Fun

From Laura:

Subject: How to Tell You Are Working With Slightly Insane People

-Terri is talking to her fish again
-David and Laura are arguing whether Timothy was blown to bits or eaten by a tiger
-Shawn is blushing heavily..for reasons we cannot reveal at this moment
-Nina is making gerbil noises again
-Matt ...well..I don't even need to explain
-Kelly is cracking up again for apparently no reason
-And nobody sees a problem with any of this.

Replies:

Shawn: LOL! welcome to OptionsLink : )

Matt: I'd like to Freak the academy..................

Terri: Don't forget the gnomes!!!!!

Nina: the gnomes... the GNOMES
*twitch* *licks paws*

2001-05-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah! All fixed now! Now I gotta go get food before Charmed starts!

2001-05-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are in our new home. And not surprisingly... I'm having archive problems. I'll fix them later.

2001-05-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

From Kevin, who also lost his mother in the last year, on learning my cat Pippi (who he calls Afghan) just turned 18:

Congrats on Pippi being 18! Does that kind of piss you off? Our moms couldn't
hit 60...but Afghan will outlive all of us.

2001-05-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

2001-05-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

Interesting how the world changes. I remember, when I was a teen, almost all of the family tv comedy shows (Family Ties, Growing Pains, a few others in that genre that have escaped me right now) would have an episode where the teenage lovers, for whatever good or bad reason, decide to get married athough they are much too young and still categorized as the children of the television family. I always wanted to see it happen. I wanted to see these kids elope and then have to deal with the consequences, good or bad, in the course of the show. I was always let down by the standard television writing cop-out where they come to their senses at the last minute.

I just watched Friday's episode of "Popular." I sat anxiously, practically holding my breath, as the teenage lovers waited for their turn to be married at the courthouse. I waited for the let down that always comes when they decide not to do it. The let down never came. They went through with it. This is going to get interesting. I like that television is getting more daring, willing to let the characters make what may well be a huge mistake, and deal with it in the upcoming stories. More and more often, I'm stumbling across programs that don't solve all problems in 23 minutes.

"Roseanne" did that. I think that's why I liked the show. Nothing was perfect. Things went wrong and couldn't always be resolved immediately. I hope this is a trend that will continue.

2001-05-09T23:02:00.000-07:00

Yeah! All good again. Going to bed now.

2001-05-09T22:57:00.001-07:00

Too late. Archives gone again.

2001-05-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

That was an easy enough fix. Maybe I should go to bed now before anything else blows up.

2001-05-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

Except now for some reason, the option to edit is showing up on the web page itself. GAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

2001-05-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah! My archives are working again! Thanks, blogtech!

2001-05-07T16:19:00.000-07:00

Why I don't hate my job:

A simple question - What do we want our team name to be for the upcoming department competition? Email conversation follows (edited in a few spots for thread continuity issues)

Terri: Welcome to my team for next week! Rules are the same as this week. Prizes yet to be determined. We get to pick a new team name.

Yen: OH O............WE GOT THE BOMB PEOPLE ON THE BOMB TEAM

Sumlesh: YUP THAT'S RIGHT WE SHOULD CALL THIS THA BOMB TEAM

Dave: this team is da bomb. let's go with it

Brett: yeah thats a good team name

Laura: Sweet

Terri: Any other suggestions for team name, or are we all good with Tha Bomb?

Yen: HEY GUYS...........HOW ABOUT BOMB SQUAD

Sumlesh: hey that's sounds good too

Brett: Well I would have said that our team name be "and that's kicking your A$$" but I don't think everybody would like it...ya know Charlie's Angles- Drew Barrymore.

Alisa: How about the ASS KICKERS!

Yen: SO VULGER.......JESUS

Dave: JESUS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT

Laura: Bomb Squad? Bah!!!

Dave: SHEEP HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT

Jason: AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT PICK THE UGLIEST ONE IN THE FLOCK SHEEP AREN'T BAAAAAAD

Terri: Since we got a veto on Bomb Squad, and Jason's sheep don't get a vote, let's go with either Da Bomb or Tha Bomb.

Yen: YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE BOMB SQUAD.......????????

Terri: Or we could put all three to a vote.

Jason: I LIKE BOMB SQUAD BUT IT SOUNDS A LITTLE MCVEYish TO ME.....

Dave: HOW BOUT DA BOMB SQUAD?

Jason: I LIKE DAVID'S IDEA

Jasmine: Yeah, me too

Brett: Sure

Jason: LIKE I WROTE TO YEN RUST NEVER SLEEPS.........

Terri: Jason, we've got a unanimous "Huh?" from this end of the building.

Jason: YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN NEED TO TAKE A WALK INTO THE LAND OF ECCENTRICS WHERE CRAZY IS NORMAL AND ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE NUTS..!! lol

Alisa: Jason I think you have been in that land a little tooooooooooo long honey :P

Yen: NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR..............IT'S OK.........JUST TAKE YOUR MEDICATION

Jason: YOU SEE THE LAND AND I ARE ONE THEREFORE I CREATE MY OWN CONCIOUSNESS AND EVIRONMENT...SO YOU AREN'T REALLY HERE ONLY IN MY CONCIOUSNESS

Dave: TAKE ME FOR A RIDE MR TAMBOURINE MAN

Yen: OK........NOW TAKE ALL YOUR MEDICATION

Brett: geeez that medication must be REALLY good!!

Jason: UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS JUST ME FOLKS

Alisa: That is very frighening :P

Jason: THAT IS WHAT I SAY EVERY MORNING LOOKING IN THE MIRROR......OR UNDER THE TABLE AND DREAMING

Alisa: are you napping under your desk?

Jason: EVEN BETTER I M REMINDED OF APOCOLYPSE NOW WHEN MARLIN BRANDO MAKES HIS FINAL DEATH SPEACH...."THE HORROR......THE HORROR......

Yen: OK..........ENOUGH CRAZY MAN TALK............LET'S GET BACK TO WORK........OR WE'LL ALL GET THERE

Dave: MAD COW DISEASE IS HERE !!! THE HORROR

Jason: THEY’RE NOT QUITE SHEEP BUT HEYYYYYYYYY...."HOW YOU DOIN?!"

Terri: Okay. Da Bomb Squad it is.

2001-05-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Things I like about my neighborhood:

"The Midtown Recycling Program." When I first moved into my apartment, I was annoyed that there was no convenient recycling program through the trash pick-up company. I was an avid recycler in Missouri and I can't stand throwing a can away, but it's such a pain to gather everything up myself and drive it to a recycling center. I soon discovered that there is an unofficial system though. If you put all your cans and bottles in a bag and leave them by the dumpster, the homeless people who wander through the alley can pick them up and then will get the money for them. It's good for the environmental and the social conscience.

2001-04-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

Great line from a song: "She's perfect in a fucked up way" - from Amphetamine, by Offspring.

2001-04-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

Ah, Cait's blog's back. Guess I can start obsessing again. The Rantings and Ravings of a Shundt Cake

2001-04-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

I hate working these late shifts. My brain just quits somewhere around 4:30 and then I still have an hour and a half to keep busy. I just want to wander the web aimlessly, but I'm already behind on my work anyway. It's most unproductive.

2001-04-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

This is beautiful: www.shibumi.org/EotI

2001-04-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, this Blog is not supposed to be about my mother.

2001-04-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, Chryste had a dream recently where my mother was blaming her for something. "You know this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't..." type stuff. In her dream, Chryste slapped mom. She told me that she knew in the dream that mom was dying, and felt a little guilty about it, but apparently not guilty enough to keep her from slapping her again.

I'm beginning to think maybe we both do need therapy.

2001-04-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

So here I am, now on blogspot because my regular webhost has gone and hidden my files. Apparently, since I was uninformed that I needed to upgrade my account by March 14th, my account is now on hold indefinitely while they reorganize, shuffle, nitpick, and tweak their systems. Okay. Fine. I didn't need a webpage anyway. I'm guessing that I'm not the only one this has happened to since my ISP just sent an announcement that they will be changing our webhost partner soon, due to universal displeasure with Webprovider.com. So now the question is, will my webpage come back before or after I have a new place to keep it? Oh well. I still have Blogger, and that's what counts.

2001-04-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

Is it odd for a family to be never without babies? Since my cousin Suzanne was born in 1967 or 1968, there has not been a gap of more than 6 or 7 years between children. I was the youngest until I was 7 and my cousin Jamie was born. Then two more followed her over the next few years, then by the time my cousin David was 6 or 7, my sister Lauryn had been born. There were three more in the six or so years after Lauryn, my cousin Tristan being the youngest of that set. Then when my mother and her brother and sisters finally stopped having babies, my cousin John started the next generation with Kelsee, the first great-grandchild, only 2 years younger than the last grandchild. Kelsee was followed by Jessica, Caitlin, Kylie, Terra, Stevie, and Suzanne's new baby boy whose name I can't remember for the life of me at this moment (Sorry Suz), all ranging in age from 18 months to 8 years.

I compare this to my father's family who had children all around the same time, these children grew up, then started having children. There's a very clear distinction between the generations. At 30, my cousin Yvonne and I are the youngest grandchildren. I'm not sure how old the oldest great-grandchild is, but I'm thinking she can't be more than 10 or 12 by now.

Which one of these scenarios is more common? What is it about my mother's family that causes us/them to breed like rabbits?

2001-03-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

I'm angry at my mother today. I'm not talking about "five stages of grief" anger. While I was wrapping my sandwiches for lunch today in Glad Wrap, I remembered her visiting my house and criticizing my choice of plastic wrap for my personal household use. "Oh Honey, you should be using XXXX type wrap, not this crappy clingy stuff." I personally don't like her kind of wrap. Why is it that she could never accept that Chryste and I might be perfectly capable of exploring all the options and coming to a decision that suits us but might still be different from what she decided for herself. I'm not just talking plastic wrap here. When do I stop being angry with my mother for criticizing every aspect of my life that didn't match her personal preferences?

2001-02-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

Hmm... I've managed to keep Cusack, the gender-confused betta alive for over 2 months now. It's kind of cool having a fish at the office. He gets so excited when I come in each morning. I know it's just because he wants food, but it's still kind of an ego boost to have some one who's always happy to see you when you're at work.

2001-02-15T13:41:00.000-08:00

GAAAHHHHHH!!!! All I want is a simple, light gray tank style leotard. Is that too much to offer? Stores, online catalogs, all they have are sportsbras or dark colored leotards. I'm going insane!

2001-02-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

Very cool. I don't seem to be losing any actual weight, but my legs have definite muscle tone, and my thighs aren't rubbing together nearly as much as they used to do. I can live with that.

2001-02-08T13:44:00.000-08:00

So, the next question is, why has it taken me this long to decide to apply? I think a lot of it was the physical requirements. I know I'm smart enough. I'm good at investigating things and solving puzzles. But, I've never been even remotely athletic. Correction. I used to run. In 8th grade. I was actually pretty good at the long distance sort of thing. Of course, any kind of team activity and I'm not only the last kid picked, I'm the one hiding against the wall hoping against hope that they won't see me and I won't get picked at all.

However, I'm feeling much more confident since I started studying jujitsu 6 months ago. I'm not kidding myself that I've suddenly become Bruce Lee, and I still need to lose a good 30 pounds before I'll be comfortable looking at myself in a mirror again, but I'm noticing differences. Upper body strength for one. I've gone from none whatsoever to a piddly pathetic amount. Not a big change, but noticible. When I find myself trying to do moves that I couldn't even pretend to do six months ago and actually suceeding, I surprise myself. Especially when it's something I haven't actually tried since October and I get it right on the first attempt. And then of course there's the fun aspect of it. It's fun to fall once you know how to do it and you're not afraid of it. Of course, learning the correct way to fall is more like learning two-hundred incorrect ways to fall first.

2001-02-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to seriously consider applying to be an FBI Special Agent. It doesn't sound like a real aspiration. Like a kid who says they want to be a fireman or a movie star when they grow up. But hey, my cousin's husband is a fireman, so I guess just because it's a little kid dream job it doesn't mean it's unattainable. Why do I want to do this? I keep asking myself that, looking for a better reason than "What little girl doesn't dream of growing up to be Clarice Starling?" What I do know: I don't want to work in the Investment industry for the rest of my life. Not even sure I want to do it for even the next 5 years. I have a degree in Sociology. Unless I want to go back for an advanced degree so I can teach, I'm not going to find a job in my field. Of course, I minored in Criminal Justice Studies. My interests really do lie more in that direction. I probably would have majored in it, if my school had offered the major at that time. (They do now, the bastards!) Within the criminal justice arena, I'm most interested in Corrections and Law Enforcement, but I have no interest in state or local level law enforcement. Next in line is federal. That interests me.

2001-02-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

On the Texas front, Chryste sold Mom's house yesterday and is returning to Seattle in April. Yeah! I much prefer having her and Terra within driving distance. Terra's hearing has improved slightly, but it's still too early to tell how much permanent damage the meningitis caused. Chryste is exploring some alternative healing methods and we're keeping our hopes up. I'm not putting myself into "accept that Terra's deaf" mode until we know for sure. It could improve or worsen over the next 2 months or so, so we just don't know the full scope of it. And, we decided on a permanent place for Mom's ashes. This is a good thing. We've been exploring the options for some time. Basically it came down to Chryste vetoing the scattering idea (I don't know that I really wanted that either) and Lauren wanting a marker or a headstone of some sort... a place to go and see her name. The Episcopalian church that she was a member of has a place on the property for interring ashes. Chryste says it's really pretty, Lauren likes it, her name will be there, and the people of the church loved her and would want her there. I feel good about it.

2001-02-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

Much has happened since November. Christmas came and went, and with it Kevin's mother and his cat. I'll miss Rita. She was a good person and pretty good in the substitute mom department. I'll miss Arles too. He was sweet and cuddly and lovable. But I don't feel the loss too much in my daily life because I had not planned to have him with me at this point anymore. I have a new kitten in my family. Natasha, otherwise known as Boo Boo. We're having some adjustment issues... she wants to bite my throat, I don't want her to... but she seems to be settling in pretty well. She and Nikita get along great. It's good that Kita has someone to play with again. She's been needing that since Daniel died.

2001-02-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it's been a while since I've written anything. I probably would have forgotten completely had someone not mentioned that I hadn't written anything lately. I didn't think anyone actually ever stopped by here.

2000-11-15T17:29:00.000-08:00

I hate dating. Have I mentioned that recently enough? It's hard enough just making contact with someone, and getting to the point of the "first date." Then you have to figure out if you actually click or not, and you sit through endless dates with people who you just don't feel the connection, ending with the ever overused, "I'll call you," when you know neither of you actually will. Or maybe they're more interested than you are and you wonder if you should keep trying, that maybe you're just being too damn picky, or do you just not return their calls? Then there's that wonderful person who seems to be perfect. You can talk for hours, you truly enjoy their company, but it turns out to be onesided and they're not half as interested in you as you are in them. At this rate, I'm going to be single forever. It's too damn stressful.

2000-11-15T17:20:00.000-08:00

Today is my Mom's birthday. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about that. It's kind of strange, I suppose. I think Christmas will be stranger. I was doing some shopping yesterday and I kept seeing things that she would have loved. I think I'm a little down.

2000-11-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

So, I just got a somewhat cryptic email from a man I haven't seen or talked to in nearly 15 years. I'm intrigued. Oddly enough I was actually thinking about him this last weekend while watching Horatio Hornblower with Michael. Ships and sailing always makes me think of James. When I was 14 and living in Oslo, I went on a week long trip on Svanen, a 3-masted sailing vessel that took me, along with 25 other kids along the fjords of Norway. For that one week we were the crew of this little ship. In the mornings, when we had to raise the sails, James and I were assigned to pull the same rope. Of course, I was a scrawny, little, weak thing and couldn't contribute enough muscle to do the job. One of the real sailors always had to help. I still relate sailing ships to James, even to this day. I wonder what he's been up to all these years. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

2000-10-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

I wish I was the type of person who could go out dancing alone. I don't understand how Kevin does it. He rolls into a strange town, hits the bars, and suddenly he knows all sorts of people. I go into a bar, I sit at a table or the bar and watch people. Nobody approaches and I'm too shy to approach anyone else. Dancing alone is an even bigger wall. In the stories I write, the characters are all so colorful and outgoing and they live such exciting lives. Even the shy, awkward ones have the social skills I lack. They don't get tongue tied whenever a stranger speaks to them. They always know what to say when they need to say it, not 2 hours later like me.

I have this urge to take off for Half Moon Bay tomorrow to go horseback riding on the beach. I probably won't. While money is a concern right now, it's still that shyness thing. I can't get up the nerve to go alone.

I still don't know what I'm going to do for the weekend, but at least now that I'm away from work, I'm not so depressed about it. Most likely, I'll sit around writing about exciting lives and interesting characters.

2000-10-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

So, I find myself alone for the weekend. Or at least for a significant chunk of it. I'm not looking forward to it. Strange. I used to be perfectly content alone, but lately I've been wanting to be with people. I think I'm having abandonment issues. I don't know. I just know it's a challenge to keep my head from beating my self esteem into a bloody pulp. I have to stop doing that.

I'm trying to thing of what to do tomorrow. I want to spend the money from my mom's death benefits on a DVD player, but a) material goods won't really make me happy, and b) I pledged the money to my sister and her daughter who actually need it. I just haven't been able to bring myself to sending them the check. I usually go to the movies when I have a big block of unclaimed time, but the only movie I really want to see right now is Bootmen, and I'm not sure yet how desperately Michael wants to see it. I don't want to see it alone this weekend if he'll go with me later.

2000-10-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Fridays suck. No matter what I try, I get nothing done at work. Even if I start out good, blazing through the infamous "crap on my desk," something always seems to come up to bring everything to a screeching halt. Or, I just can't get motivated to actually work. Especially when the boss is out. I'm so bad.

2000-10-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

I found myself this weekend in an odd situation. I usually crave social activity on the weekends. My weekdays are pretty consistantly spent with only my own company, so I'm looking forward to seeing my little group of miscreants I call friends. So plans were made to gather on Friday at Michael's. I realized Thursday night that I really wanted to spend Friday alone, or just with one or two special people, not the whole mess of them. But, I had already made a commitment to be transportation for one of the gang, and it just didn't make sense to drive all the way to Michael's and not stay... plus I had laundry to do and his house is cheaper than my apartment coin-op machines. But I didn't want to be there. I found myself withdrawing, and letting my mind wander to other places, other times. Depression was kicking in. So what did I do? I got tanked. I wasn't planning to drink that night, at least not more than one or two, but one or two when already down just drags you down further. I forced more down my throat just so I would be capable of having a good time. The result? I had fun. But I know there are much more healthy ways to do it. I have my rules about drinking. Rule number one is never to drink when I'm already depressed. Broke it for the first time Friday. And the last. I'm stronger than that. Next time, I'll just leave if I don't want to be somewhere. There's nothing so important and exciting that I should have to compromise my personal well being in order to participate.

2000-10-02T00:29:00.000-07:00

Insomnia. Interesting. This is usually Michael's department, not mine. Not sure what to do with myself when it's well after midnight on a work night. I've already decided I'm not going to work tomorrow, maybe that's part of the problem... my mind knows I don't have to get up early so it's refusing to shut down. I have so many thoughts and ideas running through my head, all so distracting... lot's of different things, from upcoming scenes in my latest attempt at a great work of literature, to the career and romance problems of my Sims, to my own career and romance questions. I really am tired, I just can't seem to get anywhere close to sleep once I'm horizontal. Crud. I think I'll go to a movie tomorrow. Lots of things I want to see, just never seem to get the time anymore.

2000-09-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

Now if I can just get them to let me have my own business cards...

2000-09-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

Y'know, I bitch about my job a lot, but I actually do like it. It's not exciting work, but I'm currently surrounded by a group of fun, and mostly competent, people in a laid back environment where the Head Honcho (and yes that is an acceptable title for our CEO) actually states an official company goal as "kick the competitition's ass." I don't hate it here. That's still a relatively new idea for me, that work can be enjoyable.

2000-09-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling the need to write since my mom died. Actually the urge kicked in about a month before that, while I was in Texas, visiting her, along with 17 other family members. That week was just amazing. I've never put too much thought into the idea of my extended family as a coherent unit. More often, it's the dysfunction that stands out in my mind. We don't tend to be very good at managing our individual lives, so it doesn't occur to me that we might actually work well as a group.

I realized my oversight that week. When I first arrived at my mom's house, I walked in the front door to find a strange woman cooking breakfast and two small children running about. The strange woman turned out to be my cousin, John's wife, Theresa, who I had only met once before. The children were their daughters, Kelsee and Kaitlyn. My aunt Kathy was taking care of Mom, and my uncle Mike was snoring on the sofa. Mike snores so dramatically that it only took my niece, Terra, a few days to figure out the new word. It was only minor chaos at this point, but with more family members arriving over the next 2 days, it had the potential to become major chaos.

Soon, there were 18 of us in all, including five small children ranging in age from 9 months to 7 years. The doorbell was ringing every ten minutes with someone from the community bringing food or flowers or money. We had so many pre-cooked chickens by the end of that first day, we were inviting neighbors over to help us eat it. Home health care had come to set mom up with a protein IV. Ministers and well wishers were waiting in line in the living room to get in to see mom. There was such amazing community love and support for my mother. Being the city girl I am, I was just blown away by how an entire small town will pull together to aid one of it's members in need. But it was my family that blew me away even more.

We fell naturally into a communal group. No dish was unwashed, no bed unchanged, no child undisciplined (or undiapered for that matter). Nobody had to take charge and direct the others. Everyone had their own, sometimes surprising strengths that filled the individual needs as they arose. John and Theresa were both medical professionals and had the skills and knowledge needed when mom's Home Health Care nurses weren't immediately available. Mike drove anyone anywhere they needed to go, whether it be to the airport in Austin or to the burger place down the street. Aunt Norma turned out to be an inventive cook, turning the leftovers no one wanted into a completely new and attractive meal. Even cousin Suzanne, who could not make the trip due to health problems of her own, was felt through the money she sent - what she would have spent on plane fare if she had been able to come. And on Sunday, when Mom decided she felt up to going to church, we loaded into three cars and a minivan, put religious differences aside, and filled the front two rows.

It was an emotionally exhausting, yet also invigorating week. I will always think of my family in that setting now, the loving, supporting, powerful combined unit, instead of the individuals, struggling and fumbling through their personal lives and problems.

2000-09-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

So, I've found myself an easy way to keep a journal online, thanks to Caitlin. Now lets see if I actually use it. I feel like I should have some sort of introduction... who I am, why I'm writing, but I figure, nah. If anyone actually reads this, they'll either already be friends of mine, or they'll figure out who I am as I go.

2000-09-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

But I seem to have figured out what I needed to know... thank the gods of Technology.

2000-09-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

Hmm... ftp is a mystery.